Losing Grip
by Makina Kitsune
Summary: PG-13 for suicide. Song Fic of Avril Lavigne's Losing Grip. InuYasha pushes Kagome away, and expects her to just deal with it. But what happens whe he pushes too far? *WAS ONCE A ONE-SHOT*
1. Falling

Wow, my first song fic. Well, since I'm having a little writer's block with my other InuYasha fic, Daughter of a Monster, I thought I should try something new. I was listening to Losing Grip, by Avril Lavigne, and this scene just came up. Very angsty, with a lot of sorrow. This is mainly a suicide fic, so if this makes you uncomfortable, please discontinue reading.

__

Are you aware of what

You make me feel, baby

"InuYasha!" Kagome exclaimed. "Why are you so mean to me? I just want to be your friend!"

__

Right now I feel invisible to you

Like I'm not real

"Feh, I don't need you." InuYasha smirked. "You're just a stupid girl."

__

Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you?

Why'd you turn away?

"You mean nothing to me. All you are is a shard detector. You can never measure up to Kikyou." InuYasha turned around and looked strait ahead, missing the pained look on Kagome's face.

__

Here's what I have to say

I was left to cry there

"I hate you InuYasha!" Kagome screamed, tears streaming down her face.

__

Waiting outside there

"Does it look like I care?" InuYasha asked.

__

Grinning with a lost stare

Kagome pulled the chunk of the Shikon no Tama she had around her neck and threw it into the trees.

__

That's when I decided

InuYasha watched the shard fly through the air and land out of his sight. "Why the hell did you do that, you stupid bitch?!" he exclaimed, glaring at Kagome.

__

Why should I care?

Kagome gave him no answer. Instead, she walked in the direction of Kaede's hut, where Sango, Miroku, and Shippou were waiting for them.

__

Cause you weren't there

When I was scared

I was so alone

"Answer me!" InuYasha yelled.

__

You need to listen

I'm starting to trip

I'm losing my grip

And I'm in this thing alone

"Why?" Kagome asked. "I mean nothing to you."

Kagome sat by the fire. Her eyes wandered to where Shippou laid curled up in her lap, where Sango and Miroku laid, Miroku's hand dangerously close to Sango's bottom. Then she saw InuYasha, sitting up in a corner. She looked back to the fire.

Am I just some chick

You placed beside you

To take somebody's place?

'Every time InuYasha looks at me, did he see Kikyou?' Kagome mused. 'Am I just her replacement, her fill-in?'

When you turn around

Can you recognise my face?

'Does he even know the difference between 'Kagome' and "Kikyou'?'

__

You used to love me

You used to hug me

'I used to think I was more than some stupid girl to him, like he felt the same as I did. I guess I was wrong.'

__

But that wasn't the case

Everything wasn't ok

Kagome placed the sleeping kitsune by her side then buried her head in her arms. 

I was left to cry there

Silent tears of sorrow and pain coursed down her cheeks.

__

Waiting outside there

'All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, InuYasha. Does it really have to come to this?'

__

Grinning with a lost stare

That's when I decided...

Standing, making no noise, Kagome slid out of the door of the hut. She was greeted by nice, cool air. 

__

Why should I care?

Cause you weren't there when I was scared

I was so alone

"Maybe it is for the best…" she murmured.

__

You need to listen

I'm starting to trip

I'm losing my grip

And I'm in this thing alone

"Nobody understands." 

__

Crying out loud

I'm crying out loud

Kagome was running for the cliff, images of her time in the Feudal Era flashing before her eyes.

Shippou greeting her every time she came back from her time.

Miroku always groping Sango.

Sango hitting him with her boomerang, knocking him out.

__

Crying out loud

I'm crying out loud

InuYasha. Saving her from youkai. Travelling with her to search for the Shikon shards. Always pushing her away.

__

Open your eyes

Open up wide

'Why, InuYasha, couldn't you see what you were doing to me?'

__

Why should I care?

Cause you weren't there

She reached the cliff. 

__

When I was scared

"If I die, Kikyou will have all of her soul, and InuYasha and her can be happy forever." 

__

I was so alone

She walked to the edge.

__

Why should I care?

"There is nobody to save me, this time."

__

I'm starting to trip

She jumped. Watching the ground come nearer and nearer, Kagome remembered one thing InuYasha told her.

"I'll always protect you."

__

I'm losing my grip

As the ground came within yards of her face, Kagome had one last thought.

'You couldn't protect me, from yourself.'

__

And I'm in this thing alone


	2. Awakening

****

Wanna know something? A whole plot for a small story just 'came' to me last night! Now there will about 2-4 more chapters! WAI! 

This chapter has no theme song, but the next chapter probably will.

This is in Kagome's POV.

Chapter 2

Floating.

Everything is white.

I can't see.

Someone is talking to me.

In my head.

"You are not to die yet." It tells me.

So… this is what death is like.

Where are the white clouds?

Where is heaven?

Where is hell?

Where am I?

"You have a quest to finish."

But I never want to see him.

If I come back, he won't be happy.

I'll have part of his Kikyou.

"Finish the quest, for your friends sakes."

Friends?

What friends?

You mean Shippou?

Sango?

Miroku?

Kirara?

"Your friends need you."

I could not bear it if my friends died from my choice.

"Do you wish to return?"

Yes. 

"So be it."

*

I woke up.

There were birds singing outside of the hut.

But how did I get here?

What happened to the cliff?

Then I remembered.

Shippou is lying by my side.

Sweet chibi kitsune.

Sango and Miroku are still lying the way they were the night before.

And InuYasha.

I shook my head violently.

I have a quest to finish.

Then he can be happy.

The group is stirring from their sleep.

Nothing is to be said about what happened last night.

Nothing.

* 

****

Ah… this chapter took a half-hour. I am probably going to put up the next chapter later today or maybe in the next hour! LOL! Sry for it being so short though! 

Some review responses:

Huntress: Thanx! I thought the flow of the first chapter was a little choppy, but I'm glad to hear you liked it!

****

Katzztar: I woulda done a reaction to Kagome's suicide thing, but I have a song that would go well with them not knowing, and Kagome's sorrow. I think the song "When I'm Gone" by 3 Doors Down goes well, don't you think?

****

Super bitch: I'm so happy you liked it! I was in tears by the time I finished typing it too! 

****

Next chapter's song: "When I'm Gone" by 3 Doors Down

Ja ne!

Makina Kitsune

Lover of all things InuYasha, Harry Potter (Draco… *drool*), Love Hina, and Bubblegum Crisis Tokyo-2040! 


	3. Shoot

****

Well, here is the long awaited chapter 3, even though it's only been a few hours since I last posted!

Still Kagome's POV.

Chapter 3

__

There's another world inside of me

That you may never see

We're looking for shards again. 

__

There's secrets in this life

That I can't hide

Sango has been asking me what was wrong. Shippou and Miroku have been giving me worried looks.

__

Somewhere in this darkness

There's a light that I can't find

InuYasha hasn't even noticed.

__

Maybe it's too far away...

Maybe I'm just blind...

Sometimes I wonder if I even exist to him.

Maybe I'm just blind...

Kouga came to take me away again. He left soon after. I think I scared him.

__

So hold me when I'm here

Love me when I'm wrong

Every night we've camped, InuYasha has left for the night, and never came back till day. 

__

Hold me when I'm scared

And love me when I'm gone

He smelled like earth and bones each time he came back.

__

Everything I am

And everything you need

No matter what he does to me.

__

I'll also be the one

You wanted me to be

I try to live up to his expectations.

__

I'll never let you down

Even if I could

I try not to let him down. 

__

I'd give up everything

If only for your good

I gave up my life for him.

__

So hold me when I'm here

Love me when I'm wrong

And yet, it's never enough.

__

You can hold me when I'm scared

You won't always be there

So love me when I'm gone

Would he love me if I were gone?

Love me when I'm gone...

__

When your education x-ray

Can not see under my skin

I won't tell you a damn thing

That I could not tell my friends

Sango asked me again if I wanted to talk to her about anything.

__

Roaming through this darkness

I'm alive but I'm alone

I told her I could handle myself on my own.

__

Part of me is fighting this

But part of me is gone

I can bear the pain, but it's hard. I fight the urge to die again every second of the day. I can barely trust myself with my bow. Sometimes I want to shoot myself.

So hold me when I'm here

Love me when I'm wrong

"You can't do anything right!" he tells me. But why can't he help me?

__

Hold me when I'm scared

And love me when I'm gone

Everything I am

And everything you need

I'll also be the one

You wanted me to be

He wants me to be his Kikyou, yet he never helps me to be.

__

I'll never let you down

Even if I could

I'd give up everything

If only for your good

I gave up my life, my home, friends, family, and all I get is pain.

__

So hold me when I'm here

Love me when I'm wrong

It was a mistake to come here.

__

You can hold me when I'm scared

You won't always be there

So love me when I'm gone

To you InuYasha, I am gone. Never to return. 

Love me when I'm gone...

"Kikyou!" I hear him yell. She appears in front of our group, her arrow pointed at my heart.

__

Love me when I'm gone

InuYasha makes a move to shield me.

__

When I'm Gone

I raise my arms up in defeat. 

"Shoot"

__

When I'm Gone

I feel it enter my chest, piercing my skin.

He rushes to me, to try and save me.

"Why?"

"Why what?" he asks. Tears were streaming down his face.

"Why do you cry?"

"I don't want you to die!" he exclaimed.

I gasp my last breath and whisper.

"You wanted me to live?"

__

When I'm Gone

* 

****

Aw crap, I'm crying again. I might have a few more chapters about how InuYasha feels, knowing Kagome thought he wanted her to die. Plus, what happens to Kikyou now? Does InuYasha pursue her?

Some review responses:

Hanyou Queen: I continued! But don't plan on having this be a really long fic, because it's not! 

****

Miss Coolio: Yes, InuYasha did seem like a jerk, but some stuff in his POV will be up tomorrow probably. And yes, Draco Malfoy is drool-worthy! And of course you're not the only one! Just search for Draco Malfoy Fan Clubs with Google! Just wait and see how much comes up! (At least I'm pretty sure that's what I searched for…)

****

Ja ne!

Makina Kitsune

Lover of all things Draco Malfoy!

__


End file.
